Finding Balance

Around the ages of 10-12, children begin a crucial stage in their development: they seek identity and belonging. Sports teams, music programs, theater, dance, and other extracurricular activities become powerful tools for this growth. Through them, children learn discipline, teamwork, and develop passions that shape who they are becoming. Sports, music, theater, dance, and other activities can be powerful sources of meaning and purpose in a young person's life, but they don’t hold an exclusive claim to that role. Unfortunately, they sometimes behave as though they do.

As students enter middle and high school, the current culture of packed, inflexible schedules, driven by well-meaning school administrators, coaches, and activity leaders, can put immense pressure on families. Evening practices, weekend tournaments, mandatory rehearsals, and travel commitments quickly take over family time. Siblings are dragged from place to place, meals are eaten in the car, and parents are left juggling jobs, logistics, and growing bills. Another unintended result is a self-centered mindset that grows in students. 

Over time, placing too much emphasis on any one activity can unintentionally foster a distorted sense of entitlement. When the sacrifices behind their experiences are invisible to them, they may begin to expect them rather than appreciate them. Parents report feeling more like chauffeurs and personal assistants than caregivers, and the stress can erode family closeness and communication. To compound the tragedy, the self-centeredness that results from others continually catering to their desire to achieve athletic and activity goals can make it challenging for young adults to form healthy relationships and keep their own families together in the future.

Some of the most difficult conversations of my career have been with highly accomplished athletes coming to terms with the end of their careers, whether due to a serious injury, a heartbreaking loss, or simply the natural conclusion of their journey. It would be far better if they were raised to understand that their identity isn’t defined by the sport they play, and that their intrinsic worth remains whole, because who they are extends far beyond the game.

How did we get here? It’s very common for parents to dream big for their children, but statistically, the chances of a child becoming a professional athlete, actor, musician, dancer, or of winning an Olympic gold medal are extraordinarily low. Here's a breakdown based on hard data and facts:

• Less than 0.02% to 0.5% of high school athletes eventually make it to a professional league. (Source: NCAA – "Estimated Probability of Competing in Professional Athletics")

• The U.S. Olympic team typically includes 600–700 athletes, once every four years, selected from millions of athletes across the country. Statistically, your child is over 40 times more likely to be struck by lightning. (Source: Washington Post)

• A study performed by Queen Mary University of London which analyzed career data from nearly 2.5 million screen actors found that only 2% of actors earn a living from acting.

• A study by the British Academy of Songwriters, Composers, and Authors found that just 0.001% of songwriters (i.e., 1 in 100,000) make a living exclusively from their music. 

Parents often spend tens of thousands of dollars per year on travel teams, training, instructors, lessons, equipment, gear, and coaching. The financial and emotional investment rarely pays off in scholarships or pro contracts. When they do, the average NCAA scholarship is often less than the cost of elite youth programs over several years that helped them earn the scholarship.

How Can Schools Help?

To support children and families, schools can lead the way in shifting the culture:

1. Reimagine the School and Activity Schedule

   Schools should explore more flexible and integrated daily schedules that allow time for enrichment activities during school hours. Rotating enrichment blocks or offering clubs, activities, and sports right after school can limit late-night commitments. Two days a week (ex: Wednesdays and Sundays) should be reserved solely as “family days” with no homework, practices, or school events. Ideally, high schools would start at 9 am and end at 3:30 pm. All practices would be done by 5:30 pm. The latest activities, games, performances, and activities would conclude by 7:30 pm.   

Example High School Schedule

Time	Session
9:00 - 9:55	A
10:00 - 10:55	B
11:00 - 11:55	C
12:00 - 12:30	Lunch
12:35 - 1:30	D
1:35 - 2:30	E
2:35 - 3:30	F

Starting the school day at 9:00 a.m. directly supports student health, safety, and 

performance. Research shows that students attending high schools with later start

times demonstrate better attendance, grades, improved mental health, and

better athletic performance. A 3:30 p.m. dismissal still allows ample time for 

after-school sports, activities, and transportation before evening commitments.

For coaches, well-rested students mean sharper practices, fewer injuries, and 

stronger game performance. For bus companies, a later start aligns high school 

routes after elementary or middle school runs, often creating more efficient tiered 

schedules.

In short: a 9:00–3:30 schedule maximizes student well-being while still protecting time for athletics and making transportation logistics manageable.

2. Establish Clear Limits

   Set district-wide or school-wide guidelines for how many hours per week students can be in activities affiliated with the school. This would reduce pressure from overzealous programs competing for a child’s time and attention.

   
   

3. Coach and Leader Training

   Activity leaders should be trained not just in their craft, but in child development and family dynamics. Emphasizing gratitude, perspective, and balance should be part of every coach’s expectations and made the highest priority in their evaluations.

   
   

4. Educate for Gratitude

   Build gratitude and empathy into the curriculum. Students should regularly reflect on the effort others make on their behalf. A few structured moments of reflection each week can build awareness and maturity. Students should be taught awareness and appreciation for the sacrifices made by parents and siblings so that they can participate in an extracurricular activity.

   
   

5. Support Families First

   Schools should adopt a "family-first" policy where occasional missed practices or games for family time is not only allowed but encouraged. Kids should learn that their identity doesn’t have to come at the cost of family relationships.

The goal is to create a healthier ecosystem where student growth and exploration don’t come at the expense of family well-being or the emotional ability to understand how their devotion to an activity impacts others in their families. Students may see that they need transportation or financial support, but not recognize the impact of not being home to help with cleaning, grocery shopping, and other household chores. Just as they become old enough to be meaningful helpers, they start participating in extracurricular activities. Students also often fail to see how the time a family member takes to transport them also prevents the family member from doing work at home for the family. 

Creating coherent school and extracurricular schedules to prioritize family balance and student well-being will require courageous leaders willing to challenge longstanding norms and expectations. But in doing so, they will forge a healthier environment where families can thrive and students can grow not just in skills, but in gratitude, empathy, principle, and resilience. After all, identity and belonging are not just found in the spotlight, but shaped quietly and relentlessly at the dinner table and in the daily rhythms of a healthy family life.